It cannot be denied that there is a whole lot riding on your decision on how to propose. You can try to alleviate some of this insane pressure by deciding that there is just one way to go and one only; go big, and the bigger the better. Throw all those worries and inhibitions to the wind and let your creative juices flow. Here are the top three most outrageous ways to pop that simple four word question, and just remember that the sky's the limit.
Every Girl Loves a Bad Boy
Apparently, one of the most popular proposal ideas out there today (and you know this was thought up by a man) is to arrange to get yourself arrested. Now this should preferably be a pre-arranged fake arrest that makes use of any connections that you might have with the boys in blue. For the ultimate impact, try to arrange a high-speed car chase (NOT during rush hour) with multiple panda cars in pursuit.
When they finally take you down and slap the handcuffs on you, your girlfriend should be somewhere between flustered and hysterical. Have the arresting officer declare (loud enough so she can hear it) that you are under arrest for being desperately in love with 'insert-girlfriend's-name'. Have them read you your rights (which you have edited in preparation for the event) to love and cherish her for all eternity. Sounds like fun, right? How could she say 'No'?
Flash Mob Style
OK, so it has been done before but the overall impact remains suitably impressive. When figuring out how to propose, the key elements that will probably secure an affirmative answer are originality, personalisation and creativity. This is where the idea of organising a flash mob comes into its own. The whole spectacle including the soundtrack, choreography and location can be intimately customised to reflect significant elements in your relationship combines with your girlfriend's specific interests.
The best way to go about organising this truly epic and impressive event is to use one of the performing arts groups that offer this as a service. This is probably not something that your everyday novice can knock together with a few mates from the pub, the postman and that lady from the laundrette, so go with the pros and your bride-to-be will be duly wowed.
Propose Among the Stars
If public dance sessions or warrants for your arrest simply do not do justice to the depth of your love, there is one, probably the biggest and the best, proposal idea to consider. Why not shoot for the stars, literally?
For the bargain price of just £310k you can book two seats on the very first commercial flight into outer space. This package deal will secure you luxury accommodation prior to your flight at the various training facilities around the world, located in places such as the Swiss Alps, the Caribbean and Morocco. It's like killing two birds with one stone; be among the world's first pioneer astronauts and propose to your loved one while orbiting Earth. This one has top points for its wow factor.
By Laura L Bolick
Tuesday, 8 April 2014
Monday, 7 April 2014
Making It Clear What You Hold Dear
Silence broods,
Silly little moods,
Seems there's a problem right here,
Not sure what to do,
Challenge what's true?
Whatever, just challenge the fear.
***
We can very well understand why people enter into the resistance of passive aggressiveness. It may be the only way they know how to respond. Or, it might be the choice of response, given both their conflict management style and the history they share with the other party - who could be us!
It's a good thing to quietly, proactively challenge the presence of passive aggressiveness - either indirectly or directly; whichever way may peaceably work.
Being passive aggressive - smiling through gritted teeth - is a relational nemesis. We need to build a bridge of reconciliation if we are to realise God's will between two people.
***
The poem at top is best understood by the arrangement of the cold shoulder against us, or maybe propagated by us. Silence broods between two parties and it may not initially be all that perceptible, but it's there alright. (We have to be careful, also, just to make sure that we aren't reading relational dynamics that aren't there.)
What underlies the silence is a 'silly little mood', but all these so-called moods are generated for rational reasons that are justifiable from the person's viewpoint that holds them. We might call them moods, but they are better described as attitudinal plans deployed.
The moment of acceptance is the moment of realisation; a problem exists, but now what to do? Do we challenge what is true? Is it a real problem they or we have? Whatever the issue, there is an unhealthy dynamic that can be challenged, if that can be done in love. Sometimes we need to bow to a relational dynamic that won't easily be fixed. But at other times we can ask from a gentle, even submissively assertive standpoint, "Are we okay?"
***
Making it clear what we hold dear is the responsible way of operating relationally in life. What point is there in holding onto matters of conflict when those matters might be resolved toward peace?
Getting to a point in strained relationships where we can call the conflict for what it is; that's a brave move - risky to a point - but where there's no risk to make the relationship better it will become no better.
Being clear about where we stand with others, and allowing them to communicate their feelings in clarity; this is what's needed.
Clear communication is about honesty and trust, and both involve courage.
By Steve Wickham
Silly little moods,
Seems there's a problem right here,
Not sure what to do,
Challenge what's true?
Whatever, just challenge the fear.
***
We can very well understand why people enter into the resistance of passive aggressiveness. It may be the only way they know how to respond. Or, it might be the choice of response, given both their conflict management style and the history they share with the other party - who could be us!
It's a good thing to quietly, proactively challenge the presence of passive aggressiveness - either indirectly or directly; whichever way may peaceably work.
Being passive aggressive - smiling through gritted teeth - is a relational nemesis. We need to build a bridge of reconciliation if we are to realise God's will between two people.
***
The poem at top is best understood by the arrangement of the cold shoulder against us, or maybe propagated by us. Silence broods between two parties and it may not initially be all that perceptible, but it's there alright. (We have to be careful, also, just to make sure that we aren't reading relational dynamics that aren't there.)
What underlies the silence is a 'silly little mood', but all these so-called moods are generated for rational reasons that are justifiable from the person's viewpoint that holds them. We might call them moods, but they are better described as attitudinal plans deployed.
The moment of acceptance is the moment of realisation; a problem exists, but now what to do? Do we challenge what is true? Is it a real problem they or we have? Whatever the issue, there is an unhealthy dynamic that can be challenged, if that can be done in love. Sometimes we need to bow to a relational dynamic that won't easily be fixed. But at other times we can ask from a gentle, even submissively assertive standpoint, "Are we okay?"
***
Making it clear what we hold dear is the responsible way of operating relationally in life. What point is there in holding onto matters of conflict when those matters might be resolved toward peace?
Getting to a point in strained relationships where we can call the conflict for what it is; that's a brave move - risky to a point - but where there's no risk to make the relationship better it will become no better.
Being clear about where we stand with others, and allowing them to communicate their feelings in clarity; this is what's needed.
Clear communication is about honesty and trust, and both involve courage.
By Steve Wickham
Sunday, 6 April 2014
Forgiveness, Transcending Your Hurt Humanity
"To err is human, to forgive, divine."
~ Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
INCIDENT investigation is something I have become a past master at; to strip apart an event, ascertain and acknowledge with others all of the facts, and identify everything that didn't go according to plan, including those things we didn't foresee.
Part of the whole process is to get away from a blame culture; to err is human. We err in so many ways.
In regards to the unsavoury things of life in - yes, relational things, where conflict abounds - we are granted our emotions. God gave us emotions for a very good reason; in order to discern intelligently. But too much emotion lacks intelligence due to our fallen nature; to err is human.
Whenever we propagate thought of being human, when it comes to the emotions, we inevitably arrive at fatigue. It is unsustainable. Human emotions will run us up upon the dry land of tiredness.
We reach the end of ourselves which is where God might finally begin.
Eventually the Lord is heard to say in that still, small voice: "Have you had enough yet? Do you want to try another, better way?"
Much of our humanity is sick of the limits of our humanity. We hate being flawed, and even if we thought we were not flawed we still have to bear thought for what others think about us.
Transcending our humanity we focus on thinking as God would think.
We are able to transcend our erring nature if we are prepared to surrender in order to align with the divine; the divine way. What have we to lose? Our independence? The truth is our independence has cost us so much already, when dependence on God may only cost us our independence, and gain for us the eternal peace of a sustainable way.
To err is human, to forgive, divine.
Within divinity is power in and through us in the name of God, for the glory of God. It is power in and through them also, for God could not abide in giving power partially.
There is no partiality in God, and so if there is to be any blessing for us, there must be blessing for others, too.
To be in relationship with God is the perfect opportunity to transcend, even occasionally, our erring humanity; to trust God enough to be empowered to forgive.
The key is, and always will be, surrender.
When we realise our independence of humanity takes us down dark roads, erring roads, we can sense another burgeoning opportunity: to go with full abandon toward the Lord our God; our Creator, who knows our broken beings better than anyone. We need God if life is to work.
***
To err is human,
To forgive, divine,
When we surrender,
With God we align.
By Steve Wickham
~ Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
INCIDENT investigation is something I have become a past master at; to strip apart an event, ascertain and acknowledge with others all of the facts, and identify everything that didn't go according to plan, including those things we didn't foresee.
Part of the whole process is to get away from a blame culture; to err is human. We err in so many ways.
In regards to the unsavoury things of life in - yes, relational things, where conflict abounds - we are granted our emotions. God gave us emotions for a very good reason; in order to discern intelligently. But too much emotion lacks intelligence due to our fallen nature; to err is human.
Whenever we propagate thought of being human, when it comes to the emotions, we inevitably arrive at fatigue. It is unsustainable. Human emotions will run us up upon the dry land of tiredness.
We reach the end of ourselves which is where God might finally begin.
Eventually the Lord is heard to say in that still, small voice: "Have you had enough yet? Do you want to try another, better way?"
Much of our humanity is sick of the limits of our humanity. We hate being flawed, and even if we thought we were not flawed we still have to bear thought for what others think about us.
Transcending our humanity we focus on thinking as God would think.
We are able to transcend our erring nature if we are prepared to surrender in order to align with the divine; the divine way. What have we to lose? Our independence? The truth is our independence has cost us so much already, when dependence on God may only cost us our independence, and gain for us the eternal peace of a sustainable way.
To err is human, to forgive, divine.
Within divinity is power in and through us in the name of God, for the glory of God. It is power in and through them also, for God could not abide in giving power partially.
There is no partiality in God, and so if there is to be any blessing for us, there must be blessing for others, too.
To be in relationship with God is the perfect opportunity to transcend, even occasionally, our erring humanity; to trust God enough to be empowered to forgive.
The key is, and always will be, surrender.
When we realise our independence of humanity takes us down dark roads, erring roads, we can sense another burgeoning opportunity: to go with full abandon toward the Lord our God; our Creator, who knows our broken beings better than anyone. We need God if life is to work.
***
To err is human,
To forgive, divine,
When we surrender,
With God we align.
By Steve Wickham
Saturday, 5 April 2014
Why Do Some People Need Others To Tell Them What To Do?
When a relationships ends, there is the chance that it will lead to one experiencing a lot of emotional pain. There is also the chance that one will be quiet happy with what has happened and although there may be a mild sense of loss for example, they will soon settle down and be on their way.
It will depend on numerous factors as to how one feels when they experience the end of a relationship. Just because their relationship has finished, it doesn't mean that it hadn't finished a long time ago.
Different Reasons
One could have physically been with the other person, but mentally and emotionally checked out for instance. Perhaps it had come to its natural end and one knew that it would end soon.
There is also the chance that the relationship they were in was nothing more than a rebound. And as they hadn't let go of their previous relationship/s, they were unable to fully embrace the other person. So whether they are in this person life is then irrelevant, as they are still caught up in the past.
The Past
When the emotional pain of one's past has not been processed, it can reappear when one experiences conflict in a relationship, and when one comes to an end. This emotional pain would have been trapped in one's body and then all it takes to come to the surface is an internal or external trigger.
This could pain could be from previous relationships, the loss of a loved one or a pet and/or their childhood. Each of these represents a time that has passed; what has remained is the pain that wasn't processed
Associations
The ego mind works by association and this means that when something happens in the present, it will search ones history to find other occurrences that are similar. So one will then be reminded of the times that they experienced any kind of loss in their life.
This whole process can happen unconsciously, but while one might not be aware of the memories that have been located, they will be aware of the feelings, thoughts and sensations that these memories trigger. However, if the emotional charge was no longer in these memories, one wouldn't experience the same amount of pain.
If the pain was processed, the mind could associate what was happening now to past experiences and very little would happen. It would just be a memory and there would be nothing to pull one in.
Loss
So this all comes down to loss and while meeting someone and gradually getting close to them is pleasurable and fulfilling, what usually has a bigger impact on one's life is when a relationship ends. There are at least two reasons for why this is; one goes back many, many years ago and the other goes back to ones childhood.
During the time when humans were living in caves, it was important that they had enough food. It wasn't important that they had more than they needed; having enough was all that mattered. If they lost what they needed, it could have resulted in death.
And during ones childhood, being abandoned or left alone at a certain age would feel like death. At this age, one wouldn't have had the ability to regulate their emotional experience or to survive by themselves. Loss would have been over overwhelming and felt like the end of the world.
External Factors
So this relates to ones inner experience and what can be taking place within. But while a breakup can be painful due to ones history and what loss means to the ego mind, there are also external factors involved.
Just as the mind will look for situations in ones past that match up with their current loss, it will also have formed associations around everything in their environment. And a lot of these associations are going to relate to the experiences one had with the person they were in a relationship with.
Meaning
Before one was in a relationship with the other person, ones environment would have had different meanings. But through being around them, new meanings would have been created. This can include: where ones lives; where they used to go together; the people they used to spend time with and different objects.
And all the time one spends their time in these places, around these people or has these objects around them, they will be reminded of the other person. And this can make it harder for one to take their mind off the other person, let alone to move on.
Moving On
So in order to move on from a breakup, one could let go of some of the external factors that are keeping their mind focused on the other person. In some cases, it might be necessary for one to change where they live in order move on. And other times, just taking a break from where they live for a few days, weeks or every now and then might be enough.
The places that one used to visit with the other person might be best avoided for a while; until their mind has settled down. One might not want to see certain people for a while and this is understandable. There could also be an item of clothing or a certain price of jewellery that will one need to be let go off or put to one side for a while.
Awareness
These are just a few ideas of what can keep one's mind focused on another person when a breakup has taken place. The best approach will be for one to think about what it is in their environment that reminds them of the other person. And based on this observation, one can decide what the best course of action is.
Reaching out for support during this time will also be important. This could be through having a friend to talk to or seeking the assistance of a therapist, healer or a coach for instance.
Prolific writer, thought leader and coach, Oliver JR Cooper hails from the United Kingdom. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation; love, partnership, self-love, and inner awareness. With several hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behavior, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice. Current projects include "A Dialogue With The Heart" and "Communication Made Easy."
By Oliver J R Cooper
It will depend on numerous factors as to how one feels when they experience the end of a relationship. Just because their relationship has finished, it doesn't mean that it hadn't finished a long time ago.
Different Reasons
One could have physically been with the other person, but mentally and emotionally checked out for instance. Perhaps it had come to its natural end and one knew that it would end soon.
There is also the chance that the relationship they were in was nothing more than a rebound. And as they hadn't let go of their previous relationship/s, they were unable to fully embrace the other person. So whether they are in this person life is then irrelevant, as they are still caught up in the past.
The Past
When the emotional pain of one's past has not been processed, it can reappear when one experiences conflict in a relationship, and when one comes to an end. This emotional pain would have been trapped in one's body and then all it takes to come to the surface is an internal or external trigger.
This could pain could be from previous relationships, the loss of a loved one or a pet and/or their childhood. Each of these represents a time that has passed; what has remained is the pain that wasn't processed
Associations
The ego mind works by association and this means that when something happens in the present, it will search ones history to find other occurrences that are similar. So one will then be reminded of the times that they experienced any kind of loss in their life.
This whole process can happen unconsciously, but while one might not be aware of the memories that have been located, they will be aware of the feelings, thoughts and sensations that these memories trigger. However, if the emotional charge was no longer in these memories, one wouldn't experience the same amount of pain.
If the pain was processed, the mind could associate what was happening now to past experiences and very little would happen. It would just be a memory and there would be nothing to pull one in.
Loss
So this all comes down to loss and while meeting someone and gradually getting close to them is pleasurable and fulfilling, what usually has a bigger impact on one's life is when a relationship ends. There are at least two reasons for why this is; one goes back many, many years ago and the other goes back to ones childhood.
During the time when humans were living in caves, it was important that they had enough food. It wasn't important that they had more than they needed; having enough was all that mattered. If they lost what they needed, it could have resulted in death.
And during ones childhood, being abandoned or left alone at a certain age would feel like death. At this age, one wouldn't have had the ability to regulate their emotional experience or to survive by themselves. Loss would have been over overwhelming and felt like the end of the world.
External Factors
So this relates to ones inner experience and what can be taking place within. But while a breakup can be painful due to ones history and what loss means to the ego mind, there are also external factors involved.
Just as the mind will look for situations in ones past that match up with their current loss, it will also have formed associations around everything in their environment. And a lot of these associations are going to relate to the experiences one had with the person they were in a relationship with.
Meaning
Before one was in a relationship with the other person, ones environment would have had different meanings. But through being around them, new meanings would have been created. This can include: where ones lives; where they used to go together; the people they used to spend time with and different objects.
And all the time one spends their time in these places, around these people or has these objects around them, they will be reminded of the other person. And this can make it harder for one to take their mind off the other person, let alone to move on.
Moving On
So in order to move on from a breakup, one could let go of some of the external factors that are keeping their mind focused on the other person. In some cases, it might be necessary for one to change where they live in order move on. And other times, just taking a break from where they live for a few days, weeks or every now and then might be enough.
The places that one used to visit with the other person might be best avoided for a while; until their mind has settled down. One might not want to see certain people for a while and this is understandable. There could also be an item of clothing or a certain price of jewellery that will one need to be let go off or put to one side for a while.
Awareness
These are just a few ideas of what can keep one's mind focused on another person when a breakup has taken place. The best approach will be for one to think about what it is in their environment that reminds them of the other person. And based on this observation, one can decide what the best course of action is.
Reaching out for support during this time will also be important. This could be through having a friend to talk to or seeking the assistance of a therapist, healer or a coach for instance.
Prolific writer, thought leader and coach, Oliver JR Cooper hails from the United Kingdom. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation; love, partnership, self-love, and inner awareness. With several hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behavior, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice. Current projects include "A Dialogue With The Heart" and "Communication Made Easy."
By Oliver J R Cooper
Friday, 4 April 2014
Letting Go of What?
When one suffers a loss or heartbreak there is that constant advice from family, friends, and associates: "Just Let Go."
Let Go of WHAT???? People assume that because you have suffered a loss, they know your pain, and they know that letting go of what they have diagnosed as your pain will solve everything. Yes, the loss is the cause of your pain and suffering, but very few people ever immediately realize exactly what the loss actually is, or represents.
Loss is a very personal devastation, and often we ourselves are incapable of explaining that desolated state that we find ourselves in. For instance, in a broken relationship, the partner who left might have been the scum of the earth, took your life savings, abused you mentally and emotionally, but yet there was some attraction on your part, and there was a relationship between you and this person. Even if this person was treating you badly, you sincerely cared for this person.
Are you hurting because of the declarations of love that you fear will never be heard anymore, or are you hurting because you feel stupid for being conned? It does not matter. What they did or did not do no longer matters. It is now part of the past. All that matters is that you are hurting. Ultimately something has to change to stop the hurt. It is critical that you identify all that needs to be changed, and what exactly is it that you need to let go of in order to permanently effect those positive changes.
Letting go is not that easy if one is not certain of what one is letting go of. Instead of focusing on the loss of person, place, or thing, and instead of reliving the pain and anguish by telling your story over and over again, try something new. Take a break from the endless communication with others, and begin communicating with yourself. Stop rehashing the hurtful story. It is past. Rehashing it repeatedly makes the past your present. Instead, communicate with yourself. Analyze yourself. Work on building a relationship with yourself where you matter. Love yourself more, and learn more about yourself. Then perhaps you will not only discover what you need to let go of, but you may also discover it is much easier to let go. Perhaps the underlying cause is an emotional insecurity and/or vulnerability within yourself that you are trying to satisfy and fulfill with input from others. There is a lot of self-examination and critiquing to be done. Along with this, you must also engage in a lot of mental and physical pampering of yourself. There is a lot of self-loving to be done.
The time will finally when you can smile and truly understand it when you whisper to yourself the classic breakup line "It is not you, it is me". You will realize that indeed it was a void within yourself that you were trying to fill. Better yet, the time will come when you will have loved and nurtured yourself past the need to have your void filled, for there is no longer any void".
When you can comfortably smile and say to your past "It was not you, It was me", then you know you have let go. It really does not matter what you let go of; what matters is that you recognized and let go of the void or misguided desire, and instead filled it with love of self. You will achieved a tremendous and awesome feeling of freedom, one that merits a fantastic celebration. Go out and celebrate daily. Celebrate your new found contentment as you celebrate with your new best friend - yourself. Smile at the world as you smile with yourself.
By : Yvonne M Harris
Let Go of WHAT???? People assume that because you have suffered a loss, they know your pain, and they know that letting go of what they have diagnosed as your pain will solve everything. Yes, the loss is the cause of your pain and suffering, but very few people ever immediately realize exactly what the loss actually is, or represents.
Loss is a very personal devastation, and often we ourselves are incapable of explaining that desolated state that we find ourselves in. For instance, in a broken relationship, the partner who left might have been the scum of the earth, took your life savings, abused you mentally and emotionally, but yet there was some attraction on your part, and there was a relationship between you and this person. Even if this person was treating you badly, you sincerely cared for this person.
Are you hurting because of the declarations of love that you fear will never be heard anymore, or are you hurting because you feel stupid for being conned? It does not matter. What they did or did not do no longer matters. It is now part of the past. All that matters is that you are hurting. Ultimately something has to change to stop the hurt. It is critical that you identify all that needs to be changed, and what exactly is it that you need to let go of in order to permanently effect those positive changes.
Letting go is not that easy if one is not certain of what one is letting go of. Instead of focusing on the loss of person, place, or thing, and instead of reliving the pain and anguish by telling your story over and over again, try something new. Take a break from the endless communication with others, and begin communicating with yourself. Stop rehashing the hurtful story. It is past. Rehashing it repeatedly makes the past your present. Instead, communicate with yourself. Analyze yourself. Work on building a relationship with yourself where you matter. Love yourself more, and learn more about yourself. Then perhaps you will not only discover what you need to let go of, but you may also discover it is much easier to let go. Perhaps the underlying cause is an emotional insecurity and/or vulnerability within yourself that you are trying to satisfy and fulfill with input from others. There is a lot of self-examination and critiquing to be done. Along with this, you must also engage in a lot of mental and physical pampering of yourself. There is a lot of self-loving to be done.
The time will finally when you can smile and truly understand it when you whisper to yourself the classic breakup line "It is not you, it is me". You will realize that indeed it was a void within yourself that you were trying to fill. Better yet, the time will come when you will have loved and nurtured yourself past the need to have your void filled, for there is no longer any void".
When you can comfortably smile and say to your past "It was not you, It was me", then you know you have let go. It really does not matter what you let go of; what matters is that you recognized and let go of the void or misguided desire, and instead filled it with love of self. You will achieved a tremendous and awesome feeling of freedom, one that merits a fantastic celebration. Go out and celebrate daily. Celebrate your new found contentment as you celebrate with your new best friend - yourself. Smile at the world as you smile with yourself.
By : Yvonne M Harris
Thursday, 3 April 2014
She Is a Woman, a Wife, a Butterfly
"She is more precious than jewels,
and nothing you desire can compare with her."
Proverbs 31:10
PROVERBS tells us that a good wife is from the LORD. Proverbs is equally scathing about the wife who has not nurtured virtue within herself. It is clear, however, that a wife is destined to be good for life, her husband's ally, a butterfly.
Butterflies are considered graceful by human comparison. They will land upon our hand if we are in a nursery full of them. They land daintily and flutter off just as serenely. They are gentle and sincere, and in their inner beings they are to be relied upon.
To a father his daughter is more precious than jewels. And her husband must understand this. Indeed, a woman's husband must take over from the father and actualize his wife, meaning that his desire is to ensure she flourishes to her potential.
A father has pride in his daughter, because he is charged by God to ensure she is cared for. The father takes this responsibility most seriously; he will answer to God one day about it. But from within his inner being he cannot but love the woman who was once a little girl, and to him, whilst he respects her womanhood, she will always be his little girl - a most delicate and delightful creature.
The girl who has grown into becoming a woman has her father's instinct; for men, for the risky situations of life, and for the protection afforded of a wise person's discernment. She is no fool. To receive her respect, her man, or any man, needs to prove he is worthy. She may be a butterfly but she is no pushover.
Nothing we can desire transcends the grace of the butterfly. She is God's gift to those in her life, and she has on offer many things which may only be admired.
When a girl becomes a woman and then becomes a wife, she then can become a matriarch. This was always her purpose. The matriarch is a butterfly; exemplifying humility and grace, and cutting through to the truth of matters. She is strength for herself and for others, too.
What is to become of a man in the presence of a butterfly? He can only benefit if he is wise. If he is discerning, life will go well for him as he holds her gently and respectfully in his hand.
***
A woman is like a butterfly, full of grace and gentle in every way. But she is no pushover and her strength is to be admired. A man needn't hold her too tight in his hand, for she will need to go and come back of her own volition. Like the butterfly, a woman is to be respected and appreciated for who she is.
By : Steve Wickham
and nothing you desire can compare with her."
Proverbs 31:10
PROVERBS tells us that a good wife is from the LORD. Proverbs is equally scathing about the wife who has not nurtured virtue within herself. It is clear, however, that a wife is destined to be good for life, her husband's ally, a butterfly.
Butterflies are considered graceful by human comparison. They will land upon our hand if we are in a nursery full of them. They land daintily and flutter off just as serenely. They are gentle and sincere, and in their inner beings they are to be relied upon.
To a father his daughter is more precious than jewels. And her husband must understand this. Indeed, a woman's husband must take over from the father and actualize his wife, meaning that his desire is to ensure she flourishes to her potential.
A father has pride in his daughter, because he is charged by God to ensure she is cared for. The father takes this responsibility most seriously; he will answer to God one day about it. But from within his inner being he cannot but love the woman who was once a little girl, and to him, whilst he respects her womanhood, she will always be his little girl - a most delicate and delightful creature.
The girl who has grown into becoming a woman has her father's instinct; for men, for the risky situations of life, and for the protection afforded of a wise person's discernment. She is no fool. To receive her respect, her man, or any man, needs to prove he is worthy. She may be a butterfly but she is no pushover.
Nothing we can desire transcends the grace of the butterfly. She is God's gift to those in her life, and she has on offer many things which may only be admired.
When a girl becomes a woman and then becomes a wife, she then can become a matriarch. This was always her purpose. The matriarch is a butterfly; exemplifying humility and grace, and cutting through to the truth of matters. She is strength for herself and for others, too.
What is to become of a man in the presence of a butterfly? He can only benefit if he is wise. If he is discerning, life will go well for him as he holds her gently and respectfully in his hand.
***
A woman is like a butterfly, full of grace and gentle in every way. But she is no pushover and her strength is to be admired. A man needn't hold her too tight in his hand, for she will need to go and come back of her own volition. Like the butterfly, a woman is to be respected and appreciated for who she is.
By : Steve Wickham
Wednesday, 2 April 2014
Forgiveness, When You've Tried Everything Else
FATIGUE sets in as the coming of a sunset; though, not peaceful nor welcome. It's frustrating when you've tried everything else and nothing has worked. I wonder if this is God's intention: to allow us no satisfaction in attempting things our own way; all in order to show us that it's only his way that sustainably works, ever.
In a relational life, where we cannot get away from conflicted relationships and emotions and outcomes, we will rub up against seemingly irreconcilable states of thought and being.
We will all experience what it is like to feel betrayed, to land in the desert of disappointment, to know indignant envy at the injustices meted out to us in comparison to others, among the myriad life outcomes anyone could expect of life.
None of us will get it first time. None of us is born with a good grasp on grace. Everyone gets at least a taste of what it's like to react angrily to a world that just doesn't understand. In this way we are like islands; never really to be understood.
But this is where God has broken through. God has sent us an example: Jesus Christ. Through the Son of God and his exemplification of the grace to forgive every single injustice (and Jesus suffered significantly more injustice than we could ever suffer) we have the example.
The only way to move on effectively from the hurts of the world is to surrender them to God: "Forgive them, Father, for they know not what they do." These words have tremendous power. No one would do what they are doing (or have done) to us if they were us - if they knew the truth behind their actions in the way it makes us feel. If they were us they would desist immediately. They know not what they do. They know not its true effects. Their actions are ignorant. They know only life from their angle of things. And pity them for not attempting to understand. This is why to the one with Christ is to love the other as ourselves; to treat people as we would like to be treated.
When a person cannot be expected to know what it is like to be me, how can I expect them to understand how betrayed I feel or how disappointed I am?
When we have tried everything else in dealing with our anger and resentment, surely forgiveness is worth a go. Surrendering ourselves to the Lord, we begin to understand what it is like for another person to not understand being us.
When we spend even a moment thinking of things from another's angle we begin to understand forgiveness. They know not what they do or have done to us. They can't be expected to know. But we can begin to understand them. And that's how we move toward forgiveness. Understand them.
By Steve Wickham
In a relational life, where we cannot get away from conflicted relationships and emotions and outcomes, we will rub up against seemingly irreconcilable states of thought and being.
We will all experience what it is like to feel betrayed, to land in the desert of disappointment, to know indignant envy at the injustices meted out to us in comparison to others, among the myriad life outcomes anyone could expect of life.
None of us will get it first time. None of us is born with a good grasp on grace. Everyone gets at least a taste of what it's like to react angrily to a world that just doesn't understand. In this way we are like islands; never really to be understood.
But this is where God has broken through. God has sent us an example: Jesus Christ. Through the Son of God and his exemplification of the grace to forgive every single injustice (and Jesus suffered significantly more injustice than we could ever suffer) we have the example.
The only way to move on effectively from the hurts of the world is to surrender them to God: "Forgive them, Father, for they know not what they do." These words have tremendous power. No one would do what they are doing (or have done) to us if they were us - if they knew the truth behind their actions in the way it makes us feel. If they were us they would desist immediately. They know not what they do. They know not its true effects. Their actions are ignorant. They know only life from their angle of things. And pity them for not attempting to understand. This is why to the one with Christ is to love the other as ourselves; to treat people as we would like to be treated.
When a person cannot be expected to know what it is like to be me, how can I expect them to understand how betrayed I feel or how disappointed I am?
When we have tried everything else in dealing with our anger and resentment, surely forgiveness is worth a go. Surrendering ourselves to the Lord, we begin to understand what it is like for another person to not understand being us.
When we spend even a moment thinking of things from another's angle we begin to understand forgiveness. They know not what they do or have done to us. They can't be expected to know. But we can begin to understand them. And that's how we move toward forgiveness. Understand them.
By Steve Wickham
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